You have no idea the feeling of relief that passed through my household the day it was announced that our leaders on Capitol Hill had finally come to grips with the cataclysmic threat facing our country: Roger Clemens’ use of performance-enhancing drugs during his career as a major-league baseball player.

My fellow Americans, our long national ordeal is over.

The war in Afghanistan, North Korean nukes, the national debt, illegal immigration? Back burner. First-things-first. What concerns me, however, is the euphemistic way our leaders got around to dealing with the problem: They charged Clemens with contempt of Congress.

Good God, if that’s become a crime, nine-tenths of the country is headed for prison.