“I never met with any Russian officials to discuss issues of the campaign.”
Probable topics of discussion during Sessions’ two sessions with Russian Ambassador Sergey Kislyak:
- Sessions’ help in getting Coach Nick Saban to agree to a selfie with the Russian ambassador before the Alabama-Auburn game.
- Arrangements for the Bolshoi Ballet to make a guest appearance at the Alabama State Fair.
- Ironing out details of Vladimir Putin’s waving the starting flag for the Talladega 500.
- The comparative merits of Russian kasha and Alabama black-eyed peas as a side dish at Washington buffets.
- Negotiations for a Crimean tour of the rock band Alabama Shakes “after things settle down there.”
- Agreement on a specialized team of Putin-trained Russian experts on voter qualification and election-monitoring advising Sessions in the event he ever became Attorney General of the United States.